I heard one at ours....
A father returns from traveling abroad and realizes that he has Ebola, his oldest son says he wants to be a witness, the father gives him Ebola cause he doesn't want him to. The kid recovers and says to the father that he still wants to be a witness. The father purposefully gets bit by a rabid racoon and bites his son when he becomes sympotomatic. They both recover after a long bout. The kid still wants to be a witness, so the father.......(insert absurdity here)
Complete and total BS